Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
