I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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