This is not my ceiling
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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