broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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