If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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