sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
