im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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