you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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