It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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