Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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