apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
