i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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