Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
