I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
