i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
