Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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