I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
