She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
