My brain says no but my pants say off.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
