I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
