And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
