so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Small penises have feelings too.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
