Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
