I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
