And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
