We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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