Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize