sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
