fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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