I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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