But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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