"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
