I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
