Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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