What did we do last night that was yellow?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
