What did we do last night that was yellow?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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