Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
