in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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