I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
