ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
