Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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