Only a mothe r could love this liver
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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