Three words: puerto rican gang bang
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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