I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize