Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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