I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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