South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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