will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Someone signed my nipple.
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