chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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