I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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