Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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