im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize