Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
