You can't special order awesome
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize