okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
