I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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