Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
