It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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