i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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