Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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