she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
