Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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