If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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