What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
