I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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