someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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