the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
