I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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