Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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