You made me cry and you don't even care
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
