seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
